Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
