i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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