Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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