I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
