Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
