Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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