He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
