Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just sent this text using only my big toe
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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