told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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