i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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