Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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