I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
