Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
