Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
