Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize