I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
