Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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