Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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