Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize