When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
