I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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