fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
