I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
