the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
