____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
