thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
