You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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