I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
