You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
