So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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