i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
