I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
