Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
