i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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