yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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