the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
