i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
