This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
