she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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