i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found puke in my bra..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
