you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
FUCK WHALES
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize