What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
