Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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