So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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