i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
