you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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