Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
