I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
