Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
