so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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