How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
