I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize