I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
