Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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