I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
