i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
