She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
