I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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