she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
