they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
