I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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