end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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