I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
