words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
