Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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