well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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