i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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