It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
