I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
