I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
