You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
