I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
