Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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