gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
