Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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